I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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