i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
