I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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