Can Purell be used as lube?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize