Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
