There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
