We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it was like having sex with a tree stump
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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