Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
