Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
