dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
