I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
