Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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