I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
