we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
