I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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