as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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