It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A bitchslap is in order.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
