took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
