Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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