So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
