one two three fourrrrnication!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
