so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
