Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
