No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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