also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
