I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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