Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
