I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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