she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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