you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
