its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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