everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
