He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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