Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
