dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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