the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
