my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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