I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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