She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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