she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
