his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
