hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
