You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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