Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
