What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
