Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
