Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
