her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
