Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
