Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize