Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
