I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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