i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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