just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
