Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
