Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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