if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
