It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
