After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize